http://www.vimeo.com/19375623
Adjusting to life as a mom has been difficult - not only the lack of sleep or very brief time slots to shower or eat or go to the bathroom during the day; but the act of doing nothing at all in between. Most of my day/night is dedicated to making sure our daughter can eat when she's hungry. Since she needs to eat roughly every 3 hours - I'm basically doing it all over again every 2 hours. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, it has just been a big adjustment for me. When people ask me what I did today, I don't have much to say other than feeding, changing and holding Adilyn. I couldn't really pinpoint why, but every time someone asked and I had to answer, I felt guilty. After hearing this message, I think I realize that I feel guilty because I don't have an impressive report to give on how productive I've been; especially when I seemingly have all of the time in the world!
Life before Adilyn: fill up the day with as much 'stuff' as possible - work, laundry, dishes, dinner, reading, visiting with friends, paying bills, attempting to go back to school, exercise...
Life with Adilyn: fill up the day with as much 'stuff' around the house as possible - for about 3 days - when I realized that living that way would lead to me being virtually non-functioning during our 2 or 3am feeding. Now I've been trying my best to truly rest in between feedings - though I still struggle with feeling guilty that I'm not doing laundry or cleaning the house or reading something or going somewhere. It has been a blessing that we have been limited in where we can go with Adilyn, so I don't feel AS guilty for staying inside, mostly on the couch. However, as we get closer to being able to bring Adi out, I can already sense that I am going to struggle with saying no or just staying home and resting.
It's amazing how much of life before Adilyn was made up of DOING everything and anything possible - to feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. I'm not surprised that my achieving personality has led me to a life of constantly trying to earn grace and all of the benefits of salvation instead of just RESTING - really resting in the promises and truth of the Gospel.
While I say this and feel it - I know that it's a process. Maybe today I will take a nap and not feel guilty that I'm not putting in another load of laundry like I had planned...We'll see what tomorrow brings :)
I should take the lead from the rest of my family - who happen to be excellent nappers :)
We also had a special visit from Adilyn's Great-Grandpa John and Great-Grandma Grace (Dan's Grandparents).
No comments:
Post a Comment